Goodbye, then Hello.

Recently, I have been thinking about what it means to say goodbye to a place and then move back. I have been feeling the loss of what once was. So much has changed and it has left me feeling shaky.


I feel like when I left there was a whole, but now it has been filled up and I don't have a place. Grief, that's what it is and I hate it. I know that it deepens the capacity of the soul, but damn it, it hurts.

In my grief, I have been cared for in so many ways by so many people. I have been loved by practical gifts and the curiosity of others. It has warmed my heart. And then, the loss sneaks in and reminds me of the many deaths I have experienced and I cry.

That's life though - joy and sorrow mingled together.

I have enjoyed sitting outside in the mornings. It's been cool, the leaves are changing, and in the stillness I am aware of God. I smile at the changes happening around me. It's beautiful.

It's hard to remember that I am beautiful too as I am changing. I want to see that inside me, in the stillness, I can also be aware of God.