The Week and On Addiction

I had tons of camera issues this week so no pictures. Words will have to do. So here is a list of the fun things I did this week.

1. Painted my room pale blue. My old roommate provided the paint and supplies, I added the elbow grease. At the end of the project it was good to look at the first room I have ever pained. (thanks to my new friend Sam for helping get those spots that were unreachable for me)

2. Celebrated my birthday with Janessa. I took Janessa to downtown Brooklyn to see my favorite part of town . She bought me lunch at a cool Italian place and we chatted about our lives. Good times indeed!

3. Went to a bar called 'Tavern', with a guy I went to high-school with. We had a lot of fun and made friends with other people who were there as well. I'd love to go there again.

4. I moved. Yep, I moved into my new room. It is good to finally get settled.

5. My roommate and I have continued to have some great conversations and some laughs together.


Those are the things that immediately come to mind.

I had my second church experience in Brooklyn this week also. I went to St. Mary's Episcopal Church. It was VERY formal. Except for the recitation for the Nicene Creed, you would think you were at a traditional Roman Catholic Mass, complete with incense.

Another strange occurrence to me was that all of the people present were black. There were African-Americans, Africans, and British-Africans present. Being from the south where most black people are Baptist, Pentecostal, or Methodist I was in shock for most of the service. However, another stereotype was broken for me.

I decided this kind of service was too formal for me even though I am a fan of using liturgy in public worship. So, the search continues.

This week I also encountered a mouse. Yes, that's right we have a mouse living with us. We have tried to kill it, but have been unsuccessful thus far. I came into the living area late one night and he was behind the sink. As he started to run, I saw him from the corner of my eye. My heart stopped and I couldn't breathe. Then, I realized it was just the mouse, I turned off the light and returned to bed.

In future posts, I will continue to share excerpts from the book I am writing called...

Davelyn's Thoughts ON Life


On Addiction

I am addicted to food. I love it. I love really good quality food, junk food, and fast food.

Now, good quality food is not about addiction for me. It is about taking care of my body. I usually taste this food. Like fresh strawberries, hummus, a great well made Panni with pesto sauce. Even now my mouth waters as I think about it.

Junk food is pure sugar and it is rich. Rich foods like breads, chocolates, cakes, pies, ice cream I love because I can eat this and get an emotional lift. I have increased energy immediately after I eat it, after a while there is a huge crash. If I feel fat, I eat. If I feel bored, I eat. If I am happy, I generally lay off the sugar. This is mostly because I don’t need the lift.

Fast food is an old friend. I can eat this in secret, I can eat it fast, and I don’t really even taste it as it is going down. The name of the game is eat as quickly as you can so that you can stop feeling. I really don’t know why I have such a longing to stuff my emotions.

Actually as I think about it, I do know why. My emotions feel like they have the power to destroy me. They feel stronger than my ability to endure, so I keep myself steeped in shame so that I don’t have to feel.

Also, let’s face it. I fear intimacy, being powerless, and being taken advantage of. Really, to me, thinness is a passageway that leads to all of those things. I don’t want to feel sexually alive, attractive, seductive, so I keep myself wrapped in a cocoon of pounds so that I lesson the chance of a meaningful relationship with a man. I am addicted to control. Actually, I am addicted to the illusion of control. Mentally, I know that I actually have control over very little in this life, but that does not keep me from trying to look out for myself.

I feel like I can do a better job than God. I know that is a lie, but it’s one that won’t go down without a war, long arduous bloody battle after battle after battle, until finally one of us dies.