Greer Memorial Hospital

It literally takes a hospital stay to slow me down. I find comfort in working, creating, thinking, and healing. I will do anything other than rest and recharge in the way my body asks for it. In the back of my mind there are two things that stop me: 1. I have to earn rest. Like vacation accrual at work, I work my body and mind into exhaustion and then call my body repairing "rest". 2. Having a scarcity view of time. Sayings like "you can sleep when you're dead" or "keep grinding" or "there are not enough hours in the day" produce a slight tremor of anxiety that I am not doing enough and that there is no time for my dreams to come true. On the average day I am not aware of these thoughts, but the way I am living and the way I feel has brought these foundational ideas to my attention. The truth is there is time. There is more than enough. A scarcity mindset actually decreases the time by filling it with anxiety and procrastination. I can welcome anxiety and procrastination as my friends because they give me information and show me how much I really want to be of service to the world (and fear I won't be able). Now, I can face that fear. It's mine to journey with, plant seeds, be a healing presence, and to basically add water. How growth and healing happen are a mystery, and I leave that to God. As I lay in this hosptial bed, repairing my body, I am reminded that I need to priortize rest. I am not a machine, I am worthy of rest, a little laziness would do me some good. White supremacist culture says work is virtue and rest is laziness. It says this to keep the cog moving in order to produce for the sake of power and greed. Even the seasons try to teach about rest through the daylight hours, temperatures, and sleep rhythms, but we have made a way to circumvent this to produce more than we could ever use or devour. Rest, relax, be lazy. We are worth the time it takes to repair and just be.