Questions.

Why? Yet, again this question passes through my mind. I recently read an article about sex trafficking, why does this happen? It's more like a scream that echoes from my from so deep it seems like it is coming from my toes. It is a cry of desperation and pain, I am asking for answers. This article highlights other human suffering and again I ask why. Of course there are other questions I could be asking...Like what? What can I do to help? Or where, where can I go? Instead I scream why to the heavens and demand an answer from God. He remains silent and in my anger I say if you won't help then I will. I begin to develop a plan to be the one that "helps God" love people. When in reality I am helping myself feel better about it all. It is harder to feel pain and sympathy and be able to do nothing about it. If I would allow myself to feel a little of what He feels and pray for those who are hurting, perhaps then He would give me a passion that comes from the inside out. He would give me compassion.
Right now I feel like anything I read becomes a flicker of passion. If I read about slavery in Africa, and sex trafficking in Southeast Asia, and poverty in Cambodia these things become my passions of the moment. Then I am overwhelmed and immobilized by the immensity of the suffering. As I contemplate it all, again the "why" begins to well up within my soul. I scramble for a way to deal with the pain of living in this fallen world. So, I talk about it over coffee with friends and come up with solutions that act as a salve for my conscience.
Today I realize that compassion originates from within not from without. The enormous burden I feel is not from God it is a reminder that I "wasn't made to live in a world outside of the garden of Eden", as Larry Crabb says. I was made for a perfect world and I am angry that it's not that way, so I want to fix it. That's not God's plan. He is in relationships. So, He does want me to enter the suffering in the world, but in a more specific way. I think He will work compassion in me, and maybe I will have the opportunity to love people in specific ways in places of deep suffering. Right now however, I think He is asking me to give up the question of why and be willing to stay in the pain. To meet Him in the place where questions remain unanswered and the suffering remains.

Starting Again

Well today I decided to update my blogspot. I was inspired by my friend Joy Henin. I felt like it was time to share my random thoughts with my friends both near and far. It feels a little scary because this is like a journal that others can read and comment on. However, I feel like it is worth the risk. I hope to give you thoughts that make you linger over a nice cup of coffee. So, take a look around-check out the links.