Longing

So, I've been thinking recently about life. What does it really mean to live? When I think of that word it carries weighty connotations. Living to me now means fully experiencing life. It means being present and completely immersing myself into whatever is going on right now. So, whether I am in turmoil or terror or passion I am present. In this presence it is not only about me, but being present with God and others as well.
From reading this you may think that being present = being emotional, but that is only a component. I want to be intellectually present as well. Consider it. Do you pay attention to your thoughts or do you allow your mind to run while you are occupied with other things (this frequently happens to me while I am reading)? Or, even when you're praying, how often are you completely present in what your asking God for? I often pay no attention as my mind runs, I call it resting from the day.
I am beginning to call it escaping. It's so easy to escape and not think. It's a survival technique. Actually, I believe much of my life has been merely surviving. Somehow I've learned to long for less, to desire less so that I am not disappointed. Then just make it through each day not expecting much to happen. Today however, I am happy to report that I am beginning to long for life.
I used to define life as sacred and secular. When I wasn't doing something sacred it was hard for me to see the purpose in it. This related to all areas in my life even conversations. Now, I know there is no distinction. Everything is sacred. This concept brought fear at first, but not anymore. Freedom is around the corner. And now....I am longing for it.